Ok.. so here we go. Alot of you knew this was coming.. and before I get started, I would like to let you guys know that alot has been going on lately. We here at the GFGN have been going through some staff changes, as well as wondering which way the whole SOPA thing was going to go. So, I guess we kind of took a mini-vacation. To tell the truth, unless you want to hear even more about Battlefucked 3 or Modern Whorefare 73, there really hasn’t been much going on since around November. So, soon we will have a bit more of everything. Videos, walkthroughs, reviews, and even stupid fucking posts written only to make you laugh. So, without delaying this shit any further..
Final Fantasy XIII-2
After the meth induced shit-fest that is FFXIII was released, fans of the series started to bitch. And bitch they did.. so much so.. that the rep’s at Square-Enix came right out and said “We have no idea what the fuck you people want anymore.”
While I kind of stood silently in dis-belief, I couldn’t help but wonder how they could not hear the collective voices of 70 million fans screaming in unison.. “Remake Final Fantasy 7 you cunts.”
That being said.. here’s Final Fantasy XIII-2.. Square-Enix’s own unique way of saying.. “We really don’t like money.”
So let’s break it down, shall we?
It does seem like SE did try to appease the few fans they have left.. They took FFXIII back to the drawing board, and found a way to inject the very things that the masses were bitching about.
Don’t want to click the X button 76 million times? We fixed that.
Want more playable characters? We fixed that.. kind of.
Want mini games? How much money do you have?
Final Fantasy XIII was to straight forward? Well best of fucking luck.. we hope you don’t like getting lost.
While they seemed to fix most of these problems, it comes off like some kind of smart ass response.
I can’t help but mention that the things they did to make this game better, also made it worse.
Instead of having a more strategic overview, they dumbed it down. Still thinking the same failed logic of “Western players do not like difficult games”. With the introduction of “Easy” mode and the auto battle system.. even the shittiest of shitty players could breeze through this game and at least get the story. There is still parts that are slightly challenging for the 100% crowd.. but you would be surprised how many people just don’t give a shit about that.
As for playable characters.. you get 2. Sure other characters make a return appearance, although briefly.. and you do get to “recruit” monsters to fight with you. The monster part is pretty much simple, kill a monster and you can use it from then on. The 2 character you do get, still suffer from the same curse that FF games have has since FFX, once upgraded.. they can all do the same exact shit. Making them seem bland and generic.
Mini-games have made a full on return in FFXIII-FU.. This being in my mind as I played though the game.. and at about the 10 hour mark, I reached a giant palace. Outside is a casino ticket in a floating retarded orb they like to call a treasure chest. And I’m thinking, “Finally, I get to check out the mini-games! I hope it’s kind of like the Golden Saucer from FF7!” I walk up to the giant doors of the “casino” only to find out that they are locked. “Shit”, I thought to myself.. “How much longer are they going to make me wait?” After completing a bit more of the story, I arrived back at the “casino” to find the doors wide open. “O hell ya!” I said as I jammed my way through the worthless text the bitch was spitting out. “This is going to be awesome.” After 20 minutes trying to figure out just where the fuck I buy casino coins.. I can’t help buy think, “Where are all the games?” Finally, I get my coins.. but after walking around a bit.. there are only 2 fucking games! Chocobo racing and slot machines. “Fuck!”, “There has to be more, right? After all this fucking build-up, there must be more than 2 fucking games!” So, I explore.. and come across an NPC in the main plaza, whose only job was to tell me to “Come back later, some parts of the park are still under construction!”
You know what, Fuck you Square-Enix! What an incredible dick move, making players PAY for mini games. Fuck you right in your poorly aging, cancerous asshole..
My sister disappears at the end of the last game, and now I must quest my ever-loving fucking ass off to find her.. Sound familiar? It should.. it’s the same exact story from FFX-2, minus a penis.
Seriously, there is no story.. it’s like they said, “Fuck it.. let’s just take that Chrono Trigger 3 game we were going to make, fuck it up completely.. throw in some chocobos and a moogle and get fucking paid!”
The fighting has kind of stayed the same from FFXIII.. with a few overall tweeks. Everything flows alot smoother.. and as I said before, with the “retard” button.. you should have no problems other than changing paradigms. The game is no longer 50 hours in a narrow hallway though. Now you will struggle to fumblefuck your way through the overwhelming time gate system. You will have to explore areas to find artefacts to open time portals in order to continue the story. You have the normal timeline, the timeline after it has been changed, the alternate timeline, and the timeline where they just say fuck it and do cocaine in the Taco Bell drive thru. Throw in some chocobo racing, and farming for crap to raise your monster friends levels.. and that’s pretty much it.
Nothing much has changed here.. seems they used the same graphics engine they used in FFXIII. And if anyone knows how to shine up a turd.. it’s Square-Enix.
The background music in this game is unbelievable one minute, your roaming through a town while a melodic tune plays on, and then upon encountering a boss fight.. japan death metal. Just wow.. it works out better than you think it would.
The Lasting Appeal:
This I guess, would depend on your attention span. Although while not a bad game.. it is a bad Final Fantasy game. You can get lost in this game for hours, and that’s a definite plus. But with all the really awesome games upcoming.. you might want to wait on a lull in your list to snag this. Overall, I would say 1 playthrough and done.
The Bottom Line:
Lasting Appeal: 2.0